‘I was promised by my father’: Parental favoritism costs a 40-year-old woman her inheritance from Dad, so she leaves her Golden Child brother to handle her mother's elderly care

Advertisement
  • Cheezburger Image 10463335936
  • "WIBTA for refusing to continue my dad’s death wish, because of my mother’s will?"

    I (40F) am the primary healthcare proxy for my mother (85F), and our relationship is... complicated to say the least. Growing up, my parents have always had favorites between me and my brother (44M now). My brother was my mother's favorite,
  • and I was my dad's favorite. And because of that, it sort of "balanced out." However, my dad passed away last year when he was 91, and it was a really difficult time for me and my mother. Especially since my mother's health had declined a lot since my dad passed away.
  • And despite how I wasn't as close to my mother, I still decided to step up to take care of her. Especially when my dad asked me to do so on his death bed, because he didn't want my mother to be all alone after he passed away.
  • However, recently, I heard from one of my dad's friend about how my mother was planning on leaving almost everything behind for my brother in her will. How my brother was going to get the majority of the financial inheritance, all of the family heirlooms, and most
  • importantly... the family home that my father wanted to give to me, but decided not to do so, because he didn't want to make my mother homeless. And that bothers me, because not only have I been the one to take care of her for the last year,
  • Cheezburger Image 10463337216
  • but also because this kind of blatant favoritism seemed far too extreme, even for me. Especially since my brother already has a house on his own since my father gifted him one when he was first got married;
  • while I still don't have one for myself, because I promised my dad that my and my (now deceased) husband that we wouldn't buy one for ourselves, since my dad that he wanted to give us the family home.
  • So, when I confronted my mother over this, she not only confirmed that it was true. But she told me that she thought it would be better for my brother to have the family home, because it was bigger than the house that he had now. And that he and his wife
  • (34F) was going to have another child soon, so they need more room. And she also argued that since I only had 1 daughter and no husband, I didn't need such a big house. But when I told her about what my dad promised me about the
  • family home, she argued that if he really meant it, then he would have given it to me in the first place, instead of just leaving it under her own name. And since she own the house now, she was going to give it to my brother, no matter what.
  • But she did try to "provide" me with solutions by telling me that I should ask my brother for his house if owning a house was the main issue. Which obviously wasn't going to work out.
  • And now, because of what feels like a massive betrayal, I feel like I should just cut my support for her, sign away my rights as her healthcare proxy, and never talk to her again.
  • But I also feel conflicted if I did so, because I'll be betraying my dad's death wish. Especially since I promised that I would take care her after he did. So, WIBTA for wanting to refuse to continue to support my mother because of what she wrote down on her will?
  • EDIT : Especially since, after my dad died, he left behind a favorable amount of money for me. About 70/20/10, with 70% going to me (with me getting about 5.5mil for both personal uses and for medical care for my
  • mother), 20% going to my brother (so he gets 1.7mil to support his family), and 800K for my mother for her to use for her own personal care (and that I would use the money I received from my dad to care for her).
  • And yes, I know this is blatant favoritism from both sides (and yes... I know it wasn't fair for our parents to play favorites). Which is why I'm not upset about my brother receiving the majority of my mother's will in both finances and in having the rest of the family heirlooms.
  • The only thing that I'm just upset about is not getting the family home like I was promised by my father. Especially since that's what my dad wished for me to have, only for my mother to trample all over that because she believes that my brother needs the home more than I do.
  • DinaFelice "Mom, I've been taking care of you because it was Dad's wish that I do so. But it was also his wish that I get the house...in fact, the only reason he didn't give it to me directly is that he didn't want you to be homeless.
  • But if you feel no obligation to follow his wishes, I guess I shouldn't either. I'm sorry that you don't think of me as equal to my brother, but since it is absolutely clear that that is your position, I feel foolish trying to push something on you that you clearly don't want.
  • I'll let Brother know that you need him to take care of you from now on, and I'll try to move on with my life knowing that nothing I could ever do is good enough for you."
  • NTA. Your parents' behavior -- both of them, not just your mom's -- has been atrocious, and it's completely understandable that you are done with it. It was unfair of them to play favorites and it was selfish of them to create a situation like this.
  • CeramicSavage Stop setting yourself on fire to keep your mother warm. Your brother can take over her care or the state can do it. For your own sanity, no contact is a great idea.

Tags

Scroll Down For The Next Article